just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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