I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Two words: nipple clamps
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