yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
