Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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