I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
