I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
