I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
do herpes really smell.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
