Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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