I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
