nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
