I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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