I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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