K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
