I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
