Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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