im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize