Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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