I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
