so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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