i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
