Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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