O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
