Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
