Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
