And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
