after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Boobs speak an international language.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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