You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
