The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
