Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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