So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
