i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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