Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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