i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize