She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
