none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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