Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
