You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
