the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
