There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize