Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
