Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize