Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize