you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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