Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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