Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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