Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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