I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize