i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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