Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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