shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize