Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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