i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
