I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
