You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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