when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
