My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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