So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
