My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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