are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
