How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
