shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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