Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize