boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
