i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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