let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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