I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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