when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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