dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
